Review: Funny or Die's 'iSteve'

We can only hope that the first Steve Jobs biopic out of the gate is also the worst.

Wozniac (Garcia) and Jobs (Long) at the Homebrew Computer Club

FORTUNE -- It's hard to say exactly when the feature film called iSteve -- released Tuesday on Funny or Die's website -- jumps the shark.

It could be the very first scene, when a balding and bearded Steve Jobs (played by Justin Long of the Get a Mac commercials) breaks the fourth wall of theater and says to the audience: "What's that? You want to hear my story?"

Or when Jobs returns from an acid trip with the specs of the original Apple computer so fully formed in his mind he only has to dictate them to a rapidly scribbling Steve Wozniak (Jorge Garcia of Lost).

Or when Jobs and Bill Gates (James Urbaniak) become unlikely gigabuddies and spend an afternoon in the Jobs' garage "programming" by attacking old circuit boards with a saw, stapler and hammer.

For me the low point of this low-budget biopic was when Jobs and Melinda French Gates (Michaela Watkins) don headgear, strip to their green metallic skins and have virtual sex in a computer-generated landscape.

But what can you expect from a movie that screenwriter Ryan Perez claims was filmed in five days from a script he wrote in less than a week using only Jobs' Wikipedia page as source material?

iSteve was billed as the funniest and least accurate of the three Steve Jobs movies in production. It's certainly inaccurate: Almost nothing happens in Perez' history of Apple (AAPL) the way it really did or in its proper sequence. But it's also not particularly funny -- which doesn't bode well for a comedy website called Funny or Die.

The movie feels like an over-long Saturday Night Live skit that never quite gets rolling. But it does have a couple things going for it. Garcia is charming as an overstuffed Wozniak -- as loyal as a puppy and never, ever given his due. And there's one scene, 63 minutes into this 78-minute disaster, that feels authentic.

"No! Cut! Cut! Wrong!" Jobs shouts after a bad Get-a-Mac take. "What are you doing, Justin? You're supposed to be cool and artsy and hip. The kind of guy you wanna grab a Jamba Juice with. What is this, huh? I don't want to get a Jamba Juice with you. I would never get a Jamba Juice with you. I don't think anyone here wants to get a Jamba Juice with Justin. Raise your hand if you want to get a Jamba Juice with the bee pollen and all the fixings with this little smarmy piece of shit."

Now that sounds like the real Steve Jobs. The one that Justin Long may have actually met.

iSteve's ambition was to be the first Steve Jobs movie out of the gate, and in that it almost succeeded. jOBS, the one starring Ashton Kutcher, was screened at Sundance in January, although its official release has been indefinitely postponed.

Sony's big-budget version, based on Walter Isaacson's biography, is still being written by Aaron (The West Wing, The Social Network) Sorkin. It could be long time coming, but I'm hoping it'll be worth the wait.

Link: Funny or Die's iSteve.

YouTube version below:

Posted in: Apple, Steve Jobs, Ashton Kutcher, Aaron Sorkin, iSteve, Justin Long, Jorge Garcia, Ryan Perez, Funny or Die

• Homage or hatchet job? 'Steve Jobs' screenwriter supercut

  A video of Aaron Sorkin's favorite lines goes viral. The L.A. Times sees trouble for biopic

  FORTUNE -- "This video is a tribute to the work of Aaron Sorkin: The recycled dialogue, recurring phrases, and familiar plot lines. This is not intended as a critique but rather a playful excursion through Sorkin's wonderful world of words."

  That's the description Kevin T. Porter wrote when he posted his brilliant 7:22 minute homage to Hollywood's MORE

  Philip Elmer-DeWitt - Jul 5, 2012 6:17 AM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, Apple, Hollywood, Steve Jobs, YouTube

• Today in Tech: What to expect from Aaron Sorkin's Steve Jobs movie

  Aaron Sorkin talks about future Steve Jobs movie, impact of technology on his writing [ENGADGET]

  The highlights included a frank quote that whoever ends up playing Jobs in his movie -- not to be confused with the one already in production with Ashton Kutcher -- will have to be "good, and intelligent." He also confessed to being fully engaged in the "three screens" movement, but wasn't too prideful to admit that he MORE

  JP Mangalindan, Writer - May 31, 2012 12:08 PM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, Apple, Ashton Kutcher, Daniel Ek, Google, Kevin Rose, Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, sean parker, Steve Jobs

• Aaron Sorkin on Steve Jobs: 'A minefield of disappointment'

  The Social Network's screenwriter talks frankly about the perils of tackling Apple's story

  FORTUNE -- I for one can't wait to see what Aaron Sorkin does with the Steve Jobs story.

  The man who wrote some of my favorite movies and TV series (The Social Network, The West Wing, Sports Night, etc.) is at the earliest stages of adapting Walter Isaacson's Jobs biography for film -- a process that to the casual observer, MORE

  Philip Elmer-DeWitt - May 31, 2012 6:31 AM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, Apple, Steve Jobs

• D10: Apple's Tim Cook behind closed doors at 9 p.m. Eastern

  Some of this year's All Things Digital confab to be live-streamed, but not Cook's keynote

  FORTUNE -- The hottest ticket in Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif., this week is D10: All Things Digital, the tenth annual gathering of high-tech elite billed as "conversations with the most influential figures in media and technology."

  This year's highlight: Apple (AAPL) CEO Tim Cook, scheduled to kick things off Tuesday night at 6 p.m. Pacific (9 p.m. Eastern).

  Not being one MORE

  Philip Elmer-DeWitt - May 29, 2012 6:53 AM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, All Things Digital, Apple, Tim Cook

• Three scenes from Aaron Sorkin's Steve Jobs biopic we can't wait to see

  Apple's CEO left the master of dysfunctional relationships a lot of material to work with

  FORTUNE -- Viewers who have followed Aaron Sorkin's TV and film work over the years were delighted to learn Tuesday that one of Hollywood's most gifted screenwriters has officially signed on to adapt Walter Isaacson's biography of Steve Jobs for Sony Pictures' (SNE) film.

  Sorkin is the master of romantic relationships that are painfully, hilariously dysfunctional. The MORE

  Philip Elmer-DeWitt - May 16, 2012 11:35 AM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, Apple, Hollywood, Sony, Sports Night, Steve Jobs, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, The Social Network, The West Wing, Walter Isaacson

• Ashton Kutcher is not playing Walter Isaacson's Steve Jobs

  The star of Twitter and TV sitcoms is doing a quick indie film, not the Sony biopic

  The blogosphere lit up Sunday night with the news that Ashton Kutcher, star of Twitter and TV Sitcoms (That 70s Show, Two and a Half Men), had been signed to play the title role in Jobs, a film being described as the story of Steve Jobs' transformation from "wayward hippie" to co-founder of Apple MORE

  Philip Elmer-DeWitt - Apr 2, 2012 5:47 AM ET
  Posted in: Aaron Sorkin, Ashton Kutcher, Joshua Michael Stern, Sony, Steve Jobs, That '70s Show, The Social Network, Two And A Half Men, Walter Isaacson

• Today in tech: News around the Web

  A round-up of the companies, deals, and trends that made headlines.

  Every day, the Fortune staff spends hours poring over tech stories, posts, and reviews from all over the Web to keep tabs on the companies that matter. We've assembled the morning's most newsworthy bits below.

  Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg granted The New Yorker unprecedented access for a profile in the latest issue. Among the revelations: Zuckerberg has 879 Facebook friends, MORE
  JP Mangalindan, Writer - Sep 14, 2010 8:20 AM ET
  Posted in: 3Par, Aaron Sorkin, Amazon, AMD, Facebook, Financial, HP, Intel, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckeberg, Mobile, Nvidia, Sandy Bridge, social network, StorSimple, Walmart